If you’re a researcher, it must be fun when PR comes to you with a dopey pitch. I’m sure the Centre for Disease Management and Public Safety at Melbourne University had a great time with Xbox ANZ’s pitch for a study to promote State of Decay 2. Its focus: “How would cities in Australia and New Zealand fare in a zombie apocalypse?” Good news, there’s no actual zombie apocalypse in progress because we’d be properly boned if there was. The bad news? The baby boomers want to go it alone and the rest of us would all probably have to move to Darwin.
The CDMPS created what they called the Zombie Survival Index so they could ascribe a number to each city that would reflect their odds of survival, how their population would handle an outbreak and their level of preparedness for such an event. The rankings shook out thusly: Darwin takes out the safest city award, followed by Queenstown in NZ. Melbourne sneaks into third followed by Sydney, Perth and Auckland. This means Auckland is the most dangerous city to be in should zombies turn up, but no self-respecting Kiwi wants to go to Auckland anyway.
Sydney loses out to Melbourne due to the Victorian capital’s greater willingness to help each other out. We already knew Melbournians would be more co-operative though, that’s what we do. Sydney, in addition to being vastly inferior to Melbourne, is the home of the stressed and the angry. Search your feelings, Sydney, you know it to be true.
That Darwin’s the safest city in the nation is bloody appalling news for anyone who can’t stand the heat. Seriously, just leave me here to die. I’d rather be torn to shreds by zombies than live in 30 degree heat during winter. There’s also the problem that Australians older than 45 were more likely to want to go it alone than band together, which is clearly the only way we’re getting out of a zombie apocalypse alive. Once again, the boomers play by their own rules at their peril.
Here’s the findings dot points straight from the press release:
- Melbournians would be most likely to tackle the problem together; seeing higher chances of survival as part of a large group
- Family matters most in Hobart, with 40 per cent choosing to stick with their family over other survivors
- A lack of food and water would be our biggest concern (50 per cent), with over half the Queensland population identifying this as their biggest worry
- Aussies ages 45 and above were 19 per cent more likely to go it alone than those younger than them
- Darwin would be the most inviting city, with 50 per cent of residents willing to let a stranger into their home for protection, compared to just 19 per cent in Adelaide
- Nearly one in five (17 per cent) would attempt to dress/act like a zombie to avoid detection and infection, while 3 per cent would hide under the bed
- A hospital was deemed the preferred shelter for most of the population (31 per cent).
Good times. I look forward to our various city councils taking the CDMPS’ findings on board. This would not be worst thing my tax dollars have gone towards this year.
State of Decay 2 is out today on Xbox One and Windows PC. You can read our full review here.