the AU interview: Brian Lobel talks about his performances of You Have to Forgive Me, You Have to Forgive Me, You Have to Forgive Me.

The All About Women festival which just occurred over the weekend at the Sydney Opera House featured so many interesting talks, insights and performances that make us think about the progression of women have made within society either here or around the world. One of the artists who have come from lands for the festival far away is Brian Lobel.

The UK based, US born artist is spending time here in Australia to not only perform at the Opera House, but also at people’s homes – yes, people’s homes with an audience – to perform a work which invites you as to snuggle up to him and watch an episode of Sex & The City with him. He spoke more about this concept to us a few days ago.

How did the idea for You Have to Forgive Me, You Have to Forgive Me, You Have to Forgive Me initially come about?

Last year, there were a number of performances created by quite butch men in the UK, performances which were excellent but performances which left the audience feeling raw, tired and frightened. Obviously this is the result of a world that is filled with war and inequity, but I don’t know, I felt like this was such a strange response. Everyone I know is living in a rough world and the world is relentless in its violence and difficulty. And I guess I didn’t understand why, given this, one would add pain and a feeling of rawness into the world. Instead, I wanted to create something which was warm and cuddling, a purposeful and purpose-filled escape into our pyjamas and into the arms of a friend (or a performer who was friendly).

As this was happening I got obsessed with box sets. I was watching SATC while cooking one night when I came across season four, episode seven. This is the episode which features the title of my show – You Have to Forgive Me, You Have to Forgive Me, You Have to Forgive Me – when Carrie pleads with Aidan to forgive her after she cheated on him. I remembered that when the episode first came out, in 2000/2001 when I was 19, I judged Carrie intensely (saying things like “you made your bed now lay in it…” and “I wish you were killed off so Miranda would become the star!”)

But then last year, watching the episode I wept. I realised that box sets are fascinating because they do not change, but every time we watch them, we are different. On that day, this episode hit me just where my body needed to be hit, and I wanted to create a performance exploring this, something which provided this moment of catharsis with audiences.

Sharing a bed with a stranger can be confronting experience, especially in a public setting. Apart from being bold in sharing a bed with you, what are you expecting from the participants who volunteer themselves to take part in your performance?

The performance looks and feels a lot like therapy and, for many, it’s very therapeutic to have someone listen to your problems and questions and to respond. Unlike therapy, I take pride in really diagnosing a solution to people’s problems – it’s not a solution so much as a recommendation for further consideration. But because I know SATC backwards and forwards, I’m usually able to find a good episode to match people’s central concerns.

In order for any of this to be meaningful, I need audience members to be honest, to be bold and to share about what they are really thinking. Completing the survey will open up this path and hopefully get them ready to share – but there is no point in doing the performance unless people are honest about themselves.

I don’t think that a bed is that strange a setting, or at least it’s not as charged as before: we Skype from our beds, cuddle platonically watching Netflix, most people’s apartments I know have only a bed to sit on. While beds are obviously still associated with sex, they are also our dining tables, our studies, and our therapy couches. Thankfully, sex has also become more interesting than exclusively taking place in beds, also.

All About Women 2016 Brian Lobel credit Yaya Stempler IMG_8608

Can you explain how your performance will work within people’s private homes? Will you invite audiences?

Audience members for in home performances were chosen via competition as part of the All About Women festival. While the spots are each filled, I am always happy to perform for audience members at any time. Just download the survey from my website and get in touch. I love performing and it’s a great way to see inside people’s homes- I’m a bit voyeuristic in that way.

Your performances in the past have been held in settings such as forests and marketplaces. For this piece, you will actually perform within people’s homes. Why is performing outside the contexts of a theatre important to you?

I have shows in theatres – my show Purge currently tours more traditional spaces and will be at Melbourne Malthouse at the end of March – but I am first and foremost interested in having conversations with the audience. I want work that will share space with others, that will hear back and change and adapt to local contexts. Traditional theatre spaces and contexts are bad at having a literal dialogue with audiences – there are some major exceptions to this rule – and so new spaces mean that I get to have new conversations with new audience members.

Why did you think Sex & the City was the best TV show to encapsulate the idea of binge watching?

It was the show I binge watched, for better or worse. When I was sick with cancer – during Season 4 of SATC – I just watched the videos on a loop, and so it is still my go-to when sick or hungover or emotionally bruised.

But I also think that Carrie’s questions, which frame the tv show and my performance, signal a searching – a lifelong searching – to figure out what is happening with us. From her first question – “how the hell did we get into this mess?” – to the last, it is awesome as an audience member to find someone who is also trying to figure out her or his life.

In your opinion, how much has Sex & the City has actually influenced the way we see our own bodies? 

So, so, so much. The archetypes of Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda have invaded our consciousness. Today I’m a 40/60 Carrie/Miranda. Tomorrow I’ll probably be 90/10 Samantha/Miranda. We live our life through examples and characters, and they were some great ones.

Brian Lobel is currently performing in private dwellings around the city of Sydney until Wednesday 9 March. His show Purge, where he debates the emotional connection we have with social media, is playing at The Malthouse from 30 March – 2 April.

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