Tonight’s support act from LA, California is self-proclaimed trailer park hero, Beardo. He arrives playing an extreme guitar solo as an intro to his internet hit “Girls Girls Girls Pills”. The audience is pretty confused at this point (keep in mind that everyone at this show is about thirteen) but eventually, he wins the crowd over with his controversial lyrics about the naughtier things in life, such as crack cocaine and quitting school. Physically, he is like a nu-rave version of Frank Zappa. Musically, he is all over the shop… not necessarily in a bad way, but his influences seem pretty broad. It’s as if Andrew WK, The Offspring, Mickey Avalon and Kim Fowley all occupy the stage within the space of about twenty minutes. I’ve got to hand it to Beardo; the Hordern is a scary venue and he really did win the crowd over with just a guitar, a backing track and heaps of jokes. Apparently he’s Ke$ha’s best friend… cute!

Good luck, Beardo and thanks for getting us in the zone.

The lights go down again and the lovely Ke$ha hits the stage wearing a Daft Punk-style space helmet and a glittery swimsuit. She looks like a slutty robot and the lighting display for her entrance is incredible.

First up she hits us with “Sleazy” and the Ralph Lauren-scented crowd goes wild! Gradually more and more of the stage is lit up and a full band is revealed. Everyone has a glittery mohawk and is dressed up like Mötley Crüe.

The first hit of the night is “Take it off”, probably her dirtiest, horniest track. By now she’s gotten rid of the helmet to reveal her long blonde locks and signature blue lippy. Gradually throughout her set, more and more dancers and funny props are introduced, such as giant-sized cameras during “Dirty Picture”. She even plays guitar a couple of times! The first outfit change of the night sees Ke$ha returning in an American flag t-shirt and a pair of glittery knickers. She sprays the audience with a James Boags then BANG!- a glitter cannon goes off and the band starts playing “Blah Blah Blah”, single number two from her platinum record Animal and the place goes bananas.

The choreography and props definitely climax in “Cannibal”, during which Ke$ha crucifies one of her dancers and rips out his heart (fake, of course) and drinks red slime from it. She then does a bunch of cartwheels, climbs up the scaffolding and bumps/grinds with one of her dancers, who has now changed into a Santa costume.

A nice, intimate part of the night is when Ke$ha sits on a chair under a spotlight and tells us a sad story about an Australian guy she had a crush on; she tells us he wanted to talk to her instead of make love to her one night and inspired her to write “Grow A Pair”. For this track, a guy is pulled from the audience, sticky-taped to a chair and more or less sexually assaulted! One of her dancers has changed into a penis costume too, which is a real crowd-pleaser.

To end the night, hit singles “Your Love Is My Drug” and “Tik Tok” are played back to back. It is pretty hard to see because there is a strobe light, endless balloons everywhere and glitter spraying on the audience from all angles. From what I could see though, I’m pretty sure everyone changed into furry animal costumes for these numbers.

Ke$ha says thank you and goodnight to Sydney. Is she coming back? Of course she is! Encores include the latest hit “We R Who We R” and a cover of “Fight For Your Right” by the Beastie Boys. Ke$ha doesn’t actually sing in the last song; instead, she just beats open a dinosaur piñata with a baseball bat and grinds her bod up against the guy in the penis outfit. The show goes out with a glittery bang and Ke$ha is carried offstage by Santa kicking and screaming. This was by far one of the funniest, dirtiest, most entertaining performances I’ve seen in my life and made me realize that being a wasted slut is not a bad thing; in fact, it can actually help you become a celebrity!