Jay and Silent Bob AKA Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith gave Melbourne an evening of pornographic laughter at the Palais Theatre as they appeased the die-hard fans with their brotherly banter and masturbation themed stories. It was a particularly special evening on the tour as the event was being recorded, the announcer announcing that if you agree to get up on stage then you consent to being filmed having faux sex with Jason Mewes. Class from the get go.
The night began with the iconic cult duo taking their seats and the table in the centre of the stage, where Smith would remain seated for the evening while his partner in crime frolicked about and fucked the stage at random. The evening wasn’t exactly what I had envisioned from a show titled Jay and Silent Bob Get Old, I don’t know what I thought it was going to be like, but this wasn’t it. The show was basically the two of them swapping tales on stage and conversing amongst themselves and the audience, and while I’ve completely undersold it in that description, I assure you it was hilarious.
Smith’s stories are self-deprecating, for a man with so much accomplishment in his career, he seems to be very harsh on himself, and especially when it comes to his weight. For all his fame and cult status, Smith is just a big ol’ nerd, absorbed in the Internet, and weary of his own status as a beta male. He is genuinely a brilliant man; his wit remains as sharp as anything as he chucks his quips in between the stories of the amusingly filthy Mewes. One thing that I will certainly take away from this evening was the human element of everything. This whole concept was conceived out of an admiring act of friendship. Mewes, a known heroin addict, had fallen off the wagon after five years sober, and these shows were designed as rehab type schedule to keep him on track, and now thanks to Smith, Mewes is two years sober. You could really sense the love and warmth between the two, something I didn’t expect to really find between to dick and weed jokes.
Mewes obviously is the focus of the show; it’s his stories that keep the night running. And it’s now thanks to him, that if I ever find myself in a room with a sleeping Ben Affleck, I’ll be able to rub one out like a stealth ninja. Mewes tells a number of amusing anecdotes including the latter as well as tales of him getting an erection during a massage from his wife’s godmother, watching his first porno as a kid with his friend and being absorbed by the soundtrack, and touching himself while he watches his brother have sex through the crack in the bedroom door. Among those classic stories, Mewes also gets pretty real when he details his descent back into addiction and the reality of it was quite frightening to listen to, but also very endearing as the man before us on stage that evening had evidently turned his life around.
The pinnacle of the evening seemed to come in the form of the game “Let Us Fuck” titled on the infamous quote Smith’s Zach and Miri Make a Porno. Basically the game involves random members of the audience getting on stage and recreating a made up sex act with Mewes. From the Melbourne crowd that night there was a host of characters that ranged from: a painter worried about what is girlfriend might think, an over-enthusiastic-about-this-kind-of-activity girl in the front row, a beautiful single lady who got the dirtiest re-enactment of the lot (call me!), and a couple of guys who were the best Beavis and Butt-head impersonators I have ever seen… without even trying.
The crowd lapped it up as the evening drew to a close, it seemed that everyone had enjoyed the iconic duos smutty-cum(ha)-hilarious anecdotes. Everyone except for one guy at the back who made the point of yelling out, five minutes before the show finished I might add, about how much he hated the evening, careless to the recording, in one of the biggest dick moves I’ve ever witnessed. It was poor form, but Smith took it in his stride, he was almost excited just to have a heckler.