I am proud to say that The Beards are a band that share the same hometown of Adelaide with me (yes, we claim them!). Not only are they oozing with hilarity and beard swag, but they are an entertaining and talented bunch of rugged souls, who could probably sweet talk you into stroking each of their beards. Yes.
With the rest of 2012 sizing up to be a crazy ride of touring and shows for the band, The Beards managed to give us a bit of time to share their knowledge about beard maintenance, the end of the world, and what else we have to look forward to, if we make it out alive...
Recently a MASSIVE tour, conveniently titled "The 2012 End of The World (for beardless people) Tour" has been announced. Tell me about the mystical prophecies of your beards that will indeed see you survive the supposed ‘end of the world’?
Our guitar player, Facey McStubblington, recently found an ancient parchment as he was rifling through his neighbour's rubbish. The parchment holds an ancient prophecy that predicts the end of the world for beardless people on December 21st, 2012. Our bassist, Nathaniel Beard, has been busy translating the parchment, or more accurately, he's been going through it and correcting the many spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.
Do the hotter days in Summer make it harder to obtain such a beard? What are some of your tips and tricks to surviving Summer and keeping your beard in its best possible form?
Contrary to popular belief, having a beard actually insulates your face, keeping it cool during the summer months and warm during the winter months. I'd like to, at this point, reiterate that there are no negative aspects to having a beard.
The Beards are currently supporting Kate Miller-Heidke on her Australian tour. How is touring with the beard-less Kate, and why was she an exception?
When we agreed to the Kate Miller-Heidke tour, we were under the impression that she had a beard, and only sang songs about beards. Our management didn’t really do their research very well. We were happy to find out that she does indeed enjoy beards, and that every man in her band has a beard.
Who has the best beard in the band, and why?
Without wanting to play favourites, I would say me, John Beardman Jr - because it's my beard.
With the hometown of The Beards being Adelaide, what is your favorite Adelaidean venue?
Our first ever gig was at a place called Jive in Adelaide, so it will always be our favourite. We also like The Governor Hindmarsh Hotel because the current Governor of Hindmarsh has an exceptional beard.
Are you excited to be playing along side the likes of The Living End, John Butler Trio and The Cat Empire at the Caloundra Music Festival in September?
I'm excited to see if any of these bands actually have bearded members, if not, I'm definitely excited about doing everything in my power to sabotage their sets and the entire festival.
How often do you wash a beard?
Every second day. Or after I have had sex, which is at least twice a day.
Do we see any new beard-inspired music coming up in the future?
We are currently exploring some new directions with our music, including us just yelling the word beard into the microphone for an hour. It's not going overly well. But we think we can win the crowd over.
Is it easier to love the bearded or hate the beardless?
We don't hate beardless people, we just pity them.
Describe your beard in three words.
Really, really good.
The Beards will also be a part of the epic BIGSOUND 2012 line up,
September 12th and 13th @ Fortitude Valley in Brisbane
Suss more program/ticketing deets on the official website: Big Sound