We return with Critics Corner! It's been a while between drinks, hasn't it? Today we asked Jon and Jason to give us their take on the new track from The Beards: "You Should Consider Having Sex With A Bearded Man". Check out the track for yourself at the end of the article!

Review by Jon Jobbagy:

The Beards provide a soundtrack of affirmation for bearded gents around the globe. As someone who has sporadically grown several beards of impressive quality over the years, only to ignominiously shave the masterpiece due to the pressure of the summer heat, but more so from nefarious social commentary, I felt an instant affinity with these bastions of facial hair even before I had heard their music. I was drawn to the absurd concept, but was initially suspicious of their true abilities, thinking that the model would wear thin if the output equated to that of novelty acts including but not limited to Chris Franklin and Joe Dolce.

Since discovering the true capabilities of the Beards, the realisation came that they are songwriters with true credence; of course, they choose to keep the beard theme for all their magna opera.

The Beards' new release, “You Should Consider Having Sex With A Bearded Man”, is instantly different musically to their famous, “If Your Dad Doesn’t Have A Beard, You’ve Got Two Mums”. The synthesiser stabs in the opening conjure up an eighties synth zeitgeist. If you don’t listen to the lyrics of, “You Should Consider Having Sex With A Bearded Man”, like all the Beards' offerings, it is an awesome track. Add to this, it's a sympathy towards the Santa Claus aesthetic, and the Beards may be ascribed a high level of kudos.

The lyric, “He rubs his bristles on your mammary glands”, is one of the gems to uncover for Rock and Roll fossickers. The B-side, “Got Me A Beard”, is also worthy of mention. With its gentle piano pop, it chronicles the search for a beard connoisseur- “I got me a beard/I’m so glad you approve it”.

Review Score: 8.5/10

Review by Jason Strange:

Finally! There is some truth and honesty brought back into music. The Beards are telling a truth that most girls don’t ever want to secretly say and what us bearded men have known for a very, very long time.....You Should Consider Having Sex With A Bearded Man!

Backed by some sexy rock riffs straight out of the Van Halen catalogue and sprouting very good reasons why you should have sex with a bearded man, this song could just be the anthem for every hairy guy you see turn up at gigs at The Annandale. Even the B-side to this single “Got Me A Beard” is another perfectly written tune for those who choose to sport facial hair.

So yes girls, we know it can leave “pash rash”. Yes, we know it can get crumbs in it, retain the smell of stale beer and cigarettes days after a night out but we know you find it irresistible and down right sexy. Cue The Beards advice - You Should Have Sex With A Bearded Man.

Review Score: 8/10

You Should Consider Having Sex With A Bearded Man by The Beards